Sex and depression and fear

Cheery topics, right? 
I think I associate my own sexual interest/arousal and mental indulgence of sexual fantasies with depressive episodes and sadness/ hopelessness. 
In the last two or three weeks I have experienced more intense feelings of hopelessness, depression, fear, and temptation to "give up" on important activities and ventures in my life. I have feel it more intensely than I have for many months, probably since sometime in the summer when I began taking antidepressants. 

Antidepressants really helped me a lot. Initially, I felt miserably nauseous from them. Within a month, however, the positive effects outweighed the negative. My inner turmoil and difficult emotions became far easier to manage and have distance with. I was and am so grateful for this change. 

At one point early on, we upped the dosage very slightly and found improvement. Since then I've been far more stable... Until these last few weeks.

This past weekend I took a three day holiday with ben. It was relaxing and purely amazing. Just what I needed. Now I am back and today I have felt cranky.

Typing a whole blog post on my phone is hard and unpleasant so I will keep this briefer than is ideal.

I need help. Preferably from a mental health professional like my therapist. I haven't seen her in quite a while now. And it's all due to money and priorities. I have to choose these.

I'm just so tired (mental, emotionally, and relatedly physically.

About the sex side of this: for months my libido has been low. I don't know whether it's because of the antidepressants, chemically, or whether they are just allowing me to go into mental territory within myself that shows I have never really been satisfied with my sexual life. Furthermore, I have been considering recently the possibility that I am asexual. Have I ever been into sex? Have I ever experienced sexual attraction to another person? I really have been calling these things into question. Very seriously.

And then in the last week I have felt a surge of interest in dating, sexual exploration with others, libido. It's hard to not see the possible correlation with the depression, because they've arrived sort of together. I'm having sexual fantasies that actually make me wet! I have barely felt that in months. Barely bothered going there mentally.

I think I have all linds of messed up patterns and beliefs and emotions around my sexuality... Or even possible asexuality. Is that connected?

Are depression and sexual arousal associated because I used sexuality as a distraction, or something like that, in the past?

I don't know. Hard to.type on a phone.