It is Spring and romance is here

On this rare occasion in which i am on the internet on my laptop (I do not have home internet access on my laptop still) I had to share...

A week before this past Saturday I agreed with M to have the status of dating with him. 

I haven't done this is a long time. Whew! Years, years, years. 

But not only that... I am feeling things for him that seem pretty exciting, deep, exhilarating, adult, mature. 

I'm increasingly nervous about the threat of heartbreak. though even that we have an open dialogue about. 

He is ten years my senior, and so capable and intelligent and aware and experienced, both relation-ally and intellectually, It's a huge relief. It's just te beginning though so I am taking my time is making any hard judgments. I am somewhat fearful of abandonment, and similarly, or my own dependence or attachment or gravitational pull toward him - like, how do I do this without losing sight of my own self-actualization, my goals and priorities. And how do I experience the power and thrill and support of this immense feeling of love and affection and amazement I have with him without trying to own it, pin it down, eat it whole, lose myself in it? 

Time for lunch now.