heart feelings both good and difficult around love and home

Yes I am still doing this romance thing. I'm actually getting my heart involved and feeling many powerful, personal, vulnerable feelings when I'm with M. I have tons of fear. Sometimes I dissociate or depersonalize, though it seems to be happening less often, the more we voice concerns openly, carefully, intelligently.

yeah seriously I feel absolute terror, doubt, distrust sometimes. It's cray. And commitment? Whew, talk about avoidance. But I'm trying this, day by day, and honestly persevering, being true to my heart.

Otherwise I'm so close to putting my condo on the market. Although.. the realtor just told me in a text message that it's no longer such an awesome seller's market as it was a month ago, and I may have to list for a lower amount than we'd discussed. Well that kind of sucks... But I mean, I hate this place. i gotta get out.

Speaking of which, last night I woke up hot and to the angry voices of a violent domestic dispute next door. It isn't even summer yet! Terrible. Next, at about 7:45am two police officers banged on my unit door to tell me my downstairs neighbors had been burglarized at 6AM this morning while they were home. They also said there were knives in the backyard which had to be left alone for evidence in the investigation.

Yeah I fucking hate my fucking building.